Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Feeling left out...

I wonder what goes through Finn's head all of the time.  He cannot tell me about his day.  He cannot tell me what he wants to do tomorrow.  He cannot tell us if he had a bad dream or if his stomach hurts.  Finn is smart enough to know that he is different and I wonder if he feels left out - even at home with just his sister and parents.  He cannot run around quite like she does.  He does not recognize and point to all of the shapes on the "shape"poster like she does.  BUT he tries so hard.  Every once in awhile I catch a look in his eyes that says it all. 

Its heart breaking, but this isn't the left out feeling I'm talking about.  I'm talking about the one that Dan and I have.  The feeling that we are left out of what is going on in Finn's head, what he feels and what he wants us to know.  And there is another kind of feeling left out...sometimes we just don't get to do what other parents get to do. We can't always make it to parties or get-togethers and when we do, they often are not enjoyable because the time is spent making sure sweet Finn doesn't eat something he shouldn't or run away or break something breakable.  We don't experience extra-curricular activities like tennis, t-ball and soccer the way other parents get to.  We don't get to take the trips we would love to take with the children.  And even though I know we are blessed in so many ways; sometimes it just plain old sucks and I want to throw to throw myself on the floor kicking and screaming. 
Life certainly changes with any child entering the family.  Your time is now their time and you have to make an effort to have alone time, friend time and husband/wife time.  But sometimes, as a parent with a child that has special needs, you feel handcuffed to those needs.  You wonder if things will get easier as your child gets older or if they will get harder as your child faces a whole new world of challenges. 


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